Friday Funnies

Over the past week, I have collected quite a few funnies in my inbox.  Since this week has been CRCT testing (state-mandated testing for all 1-8 grade), I haven’t really been up to writing.  So, I’ll let my inbox tell its stories.  (Please note that these anecdotes are not my own – they are just some inbox funnies that found their way to me this week.)

Next week, I’ll be posting a week of giveaways (a first for me!) and reviews.  Since I only have a few loyal readers (or at least commentors – *thank you*!), the chances are ‘winning’ are really, really good.

Without further ado…


We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, ‘Lady, you need a  1/4 horsepower.’ I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, ‘NO, it’s  not.’ Four is larger than two..
We  haven’t used Sears repair since.


My  daughter and I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the clerk  a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, ‘you  gave me too much money.’ I said, ‘Yes I know,  but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.  She sighed and went  to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said ‘We’re sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.’ The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change..
Do  not confuse the clerks at McDonald’s.

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign  on our road. The reason: ‘Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!’ I don’t  think this is a good place for  them to be crossing anymore.’
From Kingman , KS .

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for ‘minimal lettuce.’ He said he was sorry, but they  only had iceberg lettuce.
From Kansas City

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, ‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’ To which I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’ He smiled  knowingly and nodded,
‘That’s why we ask.’
Happened in Birmingham ,  Ala.

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew  what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light  is red. Appalled, she responded, ‘What on earth are blind people doing  driving?!’
She  was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to ‘downsizing.’ Our manager commented cheerfully, ‘This is fun. We  should do this more often.’ Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at  each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at  Texas Instruments.

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County sheriffs office, no  less.


When  my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were  told the keys had been l ocked in it.  We went to the service department and  found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door.  As I  watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and  discovered that it was unlocked.  ‘Hey,’ I announced to the technician,  ‘its open!’  His reply, ‘I know.  I already got that  side.’

This  was at the Ford dealership in Canton , MS
They walk among  us… and they VOTE and they REPRODUCE


I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head;

he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the

hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.


An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.

This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: ‘I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is

and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.’

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar:

‘He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 – he’s trying to catch up on his sleep.

Can I come with him tomorrow?’


I pray every one of you have a restful weekend.  Stay safe, have fun, and take some time to hug the ones you love.

— Iva


4 thoughts on “Friday Funnies

    1. I’m glad Steve enjoyed them. I sometimes wonder if the idiot sitings are real. But then I just look around my community and think – yeah, they’re real! 😉

  1. Those were too funny..what a great way to take a break from the hectic life I lead. Thanks to all who sent them to you so that I could enjoy them. God Bless you Iva!

    1. They say that laughter is the best medicine.

      (And for all of y’all who are wondering – yeah, that’s REALLY my mama 😀 )

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